There is a plan for living. There are rules for behaviors in groups and families. Jobs require that you know how to behave in a public environment. If you are someone whose life is not working, there may be a reason for your concern about your behavior and its results. Go over the rules and suggestions by Stephen R. Covey, see to what extent you are outside of the expected behaviors. Make adjustments on you own and for your own reasons. Make your life work, make it work for you and others, make it work especially for your family. God wants strong and loving families

“The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, first published in 1989, is a self help book written by Stephen R.Covey. It has sold over 15 million copies in 38 languages since first publication, which was marked by the release of a 15th anniversary edition in 2004. The book lists seven principles that, if established as habits, are supposed to help a person achieve true interdependent effectiveness. Covey argues this is achieved by aligning oneself to what he calls “true north” principles of a character ethic that he believes to be universal and timeless.” From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The chapters are dedicated to each of the habits, which are represented by the following imperatives:

  1. Be Proactive. Here, Covey emphasizes the original sense of the term “proactive” as coined by Victor Frankl[1]. You can either be proactive or reactive when it comes to how you respond to certain things. When you are reactive, you blame other people and circumstances for obstacles or problems. Being proactive means taking responsibility for every aspect of your life. Initiative and taking action will then follow. Covey also argues that man is different from other animals in that he has self-consciousness. He has the ability to detach himself and observe his own self; think about his thoughts. He goes on to say how this attribute enables him: It gives him the power not to be affected by his circumstances. Covey talks about stimulus and response. Between stimulus and response, we have the power of free will to choose our response.
  2. Begin with the End In Mind. This chapter is about setting long-term goals based on “true north” principles. Covey recommends formulating a “Personal Mission Statement” to document one’s perception of one’s own vision in life. He sees visualization as an important tool to develop this. He also deals with organizational vision statements, which he claims to be more effective if developed and supported by all members of an organization rather than prescribed.
  3. Put First Things First.[2] Here, Covey describes a framework for prioritizing work that is aimed at short-term goals, at the expense of tasks that appear not to be urgent, but are in fact very important. Delegation is presented as an important part of time management. Successful delegation, according to Covey, focuses on results and benchmarks that are to be agreed upon in advance, rather than prescribed as detailed work plans.
  4. Think Win/Win describes an attitude whereby mutually beneficial solutions are sought that satisfy the needs of oneself, or, in the case of a conflict, both parties involved.
  5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood. Covey warns that giving out advice before having empathetically understood a person and their situation will likely result in rejection of that advice. Thoroughly reading out your own autobiography will decrease the chance of establishing a working communication.
  6. Synergize describes a way of working in teams. Apply effective problem solving. Apply collaborative decision making. Value differences. Build on divergent strengths. Leverage creative collaboration. Embrace and leverage innovation. It is put forth that when synergy is pursued as a habit, the result of the teamwork will exceed the sum of what each of the members could have achieved on their own. “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”
  7. Sharpen the saw focuses on balanced self-satisfaction: Regain what Covey calls “production capability” by engaging in carefully selected recreational activities. Covey also emphasizes the need to sharpen the mind.

“What is ‘effectiveness’ in a family?” asks author Steven R. Covey. He promptly answers with four words: “a beautiful family culture.” Building this culture is the primary theme of Covey’s parenting guide, a manual based on concepts introduced in his blockbuster, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey, a New-Age business guru and leadership authority, has consulted with the world’s top corporate and political leaders, but closer to home he is the father of nine children. Here, Covey reinterprets each of his now famous “habits” (Habit 1: Be Proactive, Habit 4: Think Win-Win, Habit 6: Synergize) to apply to parenting and family-life issues. Covey suggests writing a family mission statement, implementing special family times and “one-on-ones,” holding regular family meetings, and making the commitment to move from “me” to “we” as techniques to

Highly effective families and highly effective relationships have the same variables. Good people make good relationships and good relationships make good families. Conflicts usually arise in families because of relational problems. If individuals are honest with themselves and using the basic spiritual principles of Christ, Mohammed, Buddah, Confucious and the most sacred Hindu gods with regards to treating people the way you want to be treated, mankind would have relational excellence in life and families.

Good relations and good families cannot come from brokenness and pain. The pain caused in childhood often are the molding blocks for character development. Children that are abused in the quiet privacy of homes, will often grow into adults who must act out that pain by attempting to transfer as much of it as possible to another.

If abuse and pain are at the core of a family, the members will not choose to remain in the unit, and may as a results, elect to cut the familia threads and attempt to start a new line, separate and apart from the main family line. Abuse in a family is a spiritual destructive matter. Abuse damages and often destroys the soul of children, and the pain resulting from the abuse and lack of someone to save them, often results in anti social behaviors difficult to live with or even want to know.

Effective families do not accept abusive behaviors towards children and will and should exclude abusive members from family gatherings and discussions. Family abuse is not a forgiveable event where all parties say they are sorry, seek forgiveness, and expect to get on with the game of life. Spiritual harm must be healed with spiritual strengths and spiritual tools. Forgiveness does not and should not mean acceptance. God as the Father of all humankind forgives and accepts His creations with their flaws and imperfections. What may fit in with the distribution of 6 billion people spread out over the face of the earth, may have difficulty in a family gathering of fifty people.

If individuals who have been involved in the abuse of children or other family members, elect to withdraw from the family and start a unit outside of the family as a changed person, they should be free to do so with the family blessings.

The pain of looking into the face of an abuser is disrespectful to the abused. Children may develop the behaviors of questioning their own behaviors and self worth, and may feel that they have been sacrificed for family unity. Family members should be helped to understand that membership in the family comes with responsibility. Love is not unconditional and there are times and situations, where love can and would be withheld for certain acts and behaviors.

Families should also be careful in the acceptance of stray members from other family groups. There could be a reason why an individual has been asked to leave the family and its protection.

Family members who are ill, and as the results of a specified illness may exhibit unacceptable behaviors, should be known to the family and the illness explained. It would be necessary for other family members to exercise care and observation over the younger and more vulnerable members of the family.

             Jesus in His ministry, healed the demonic nature within several individuals. He healed them and instructed them to go on their way and to cause no more suffering. Jesus did not invite those individuals inflicted with challenging emotional or behavioral needs, to follow him after their healing. Jesus healed and sent them on their way.

Some families believe that that it is possible with religion to keep families together. If working with families under stress, it is necessary to determine the nature of the stress. Just praying for families without knowing the exact nature of the conflict would be ineffective. Healing must take place, and it has to be decided, with respect to the nature of the conflict, whether a member can remain in the group, or if it would be beter for them to start another unit.

Premodern families often used a sacrifical member to keep the family together. If a spouse is being abused by member of the family. The safety and security of the abused member should be the first order of concern, and then discussions with the abusing party can be held in order to determine if they are aware of the serious nature and consequences involved in taking advantage of another person. Familia rights do not give an individual the right to abuse another person.

Respecting cultural differences; it is important that individuals, migrating from other cultural norms, be advised of the normative behaviors expected in the society in which they live. In some cultures men may feel it is their right to physically and emotionally abuse their wives and treat them like children.

Some cultures accept husbands having concubines, or extra sexual relations with the knowledge and powerlessness of their wives; it is important for immigrant men to accept the idea that thoses customs are not acceptable in the American society. This is not to say that such behaviors and incidents do not occur, but the nature of the culture will result in the legal break up of the family.

The family and marriage behavior patterns of the outer society will greatly influence acceptable and legal family behaviors. Multiple wives, girl friends and physical abuse will not be tolerated and could bring in the legal authorities, resulting in deportation of non citizens. Schools, churches and other public gatherings are attentive to the lives and behaviors of citizens towards each other, in family settings.

Public Schools have the authority to send investigators into the homes of students if it is believed that harmful or unsafe behaviors are taking place. School attendance for all children living in America regardless of status, prevents parents from hiding children from the public eye. In America the State is the third parent of an underage child, and in the case of danger to a child superceeds the power of the parents; this is an important variable for individuals who are considering relocating to America should consider. A family, which cannot stand the careful observation of all of its behavior with respect to women and children should reconsider immigrating to the States or reevaluate its culture and behaviors systems towards each other.

 

Highly effective family guideline are parallel to the guideline used in society for good citizenship.

Highly effective teachers conduct classroom like family units. These teachers set out rules of behavior books for each member of the class and their parents. Student are told in advance what is expected of them, and what can and would happen if rules were disregarded to the harm of themselves and others. The educational system does not permit individuals with histories of violence towards themselves or others to remain in the general population, but rather provide different and separate units addressing their special needs.

Highly effective churches continue to struggle with the problem of what to do with individuals, who may have caused problems in other church families, and have move on into another church family gathering without informing clergy or membership committee of the challenging nature of their personalities. Covey discusses the challenges facing business and industry in an effort to inspire individuals to work to their highest potential.

Effectiveness is hard work and courages work. How do you tell someone that they are toxic to a family, a church or to a business. In an effort to try to be more spiritual, individuals seek to see the better angels in humankind.

Sometime, in searching for the angels we can miss the fallen bodies in the road. Sometimes it is necessary to separate the person from the road, so that others may travel. God must have a special place for those who must take a side road because of life challenges, and it should always be possible with the transformation that can come only from the Holy Spirit, that individuals can be restored to the Garden of Eden or the road to the Kingdom of God.

 

 

                                                   Bibliography

 

 

Covey, Stephen R. (1997) The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families. New York: St. Martin’s New York.

 

[1] Viktor Emil Frankl a neurologist and psychiatrist was an Holocaust survivor. His book Man’s Search for Meaning (first published under a different title in 1959: From Death-Camp to Existentialism..

 

[2] First Things First[1] (1994) book Rebecca R. Merrill. It offers a approach that, if established as a habit, is supposed to help a person achieve “effectiveness” by aligning him- or herself to “First Things”..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basic Rules

Respect your mother and father.

Respect grandparents and members of the extended family

Respect teachers

Boys protect and respect girls

Girls respect and protect boys

Stand up for and protect the innocent and the weak

Do not gossip

Do not make fun of someone who is different

Do not be a bully. Help children who are bullied by others

Always tell the truth

Get an education. Start with religious books, they are useful for language and human value systems.

Education is the doorway out of poverty

School is not there to entertain you or keep you from being bored

School is not supposed to be fun. If you have fun, then good

Go to class, close your mouth, listen and learn.

As you learn, ask questions and participate in activities

Do not drop out of school, hang in there, you need the education

Select one of the Abrahamic faiths to learn (Judaism, Christianity, Muslim)

Respect other religions. Do not talk negatively about other religions

God made all people, and he made them different. Accept people as God made them and their sexual differences.

Do not teach hate

Do not teach racism

Judge a person on their character and not their color

Do not bring disgrace to yourself or your family

Associate with the best and leave the rest.

Do not work in drug programs, or rescue programs. Save yourself and your family. The people with whom you associate will define you.

Help each other

Help the poor

Do not be poor

Do not marry poor people

Treat people with respect, but do not associate with people living in poor neighborhood

Avoid men and women with disturbed family backgrounds

Look for educated people to associate with and mate.

Give people a chance to redeem themselves

Give people a chance to start over

Drug Rules

If you use chemicals, legal or illegal, then drugs are your family. Chemicals control of brain, and the brain controls your behavior and your life. No exception

Drug companies pay the best scientist to develop a substance that you cannot refuse or control. You cannot win against the scientist; they know how to control you if you try their products. No one escapes, no one.

If you use chemicals, your eyes, your speech and your behavior will tell. People will know you use drugs and avoid you. ( the mark of Cain)

Avoid people addicted to substance abuse

Never rescue a drug addict with the hopes of changing them.

If the parent of a potential mate is an addict, then the child will also be an addict. Select another mate. There is some suggestion that the large use of mind-altering chemicals taken by parents in the 60’s may be a contributing factor in the epidemic in neurological challenges of the 21st century. Some of our most beautiful children are struggling with neurological challenges that have significantly altered their future, if not totally eliminate all possibilities. The Fall of Man could indeed relate to the touching of the forbidden fruit by immature creations of God. It is not sufficient to ask why was the forbidden fruit place to entrap man, but the choice not to tempt faith is given to each individual.

Your associates will always define your weakness; your struggles are where your success is waiting. Associate with the best, and leave the rest, and always mate up.

People and law officials can tell if you use drugs. The pupil of the eyes become larger, you have a glassy stare, you speech patterns change, your normal speed patterns change, and your skin changes. Anything you put inside of your body will manifest itself on the outside of the body. If you want people to know your business, use drugs.

If you think you can out smart the system, visit a prison system (on line) the only people in prison are smart dumb people. The system makes it possible for you to get drugs, because it makes it possible for it to locate you and keep control over your behavior. Scientist developed the drugs you take, and the government pays them for the blueprints. Once the drug enters your system, you are hooked for life. It enters into the brain, and there is no cure. You think you know someone who kicked the habit, you do not, and the desire is always there.

Women who use drugs will eventually produce babies who will be mentally, emotionally and educationally challenged. You make the decision who you are intimate with, but, if you are involved with a person on drugs, avoid passing on the family seeds, use protection. You can avoid embarrassment, remember, drug addicts and emotionally challenged people are not welcomed at family events

Drugs put a stamp of identification on you.

Your eye change, the pupils dilate. Your skin changes. You talk fast. You talk a lot

You lie. You think you are smarter than everyone else. You think you can fool people. Drug companies put special substances in their product, which makes it possible to identify users. Anything you put into your system has the power to control you. The purpose of drugs is to keep you out of the work force.

Drug addicts usually lie, and have distorted views of themselves and their lives.

Do not rescue people who play games or take advantage of friends and family members

Help family members in need

Do not support drug or anti social behavior of family members. If you commit a moral illegal act against a family member, your name will be wiped off the family record, and your memory will not be carried into history. We carry our family members with us, and talk about them at family gatherings. We tell their stories to our young. We bless them, and we celebrate that they are our ancestors. Our rules are hard, but we are strong.

Family Gatherings

Plan picnics, social parties, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Birthday or special occasions to get together and serve plenty of food. Weddings, Birth celebrations, funerals, and serious illness, are must family attendance.

Family gatherings are important. It is a way for cousins to get together and see how each is doing

Do not bring into the family anyone who will harm the family

Blood first, when there is a question, always support your bloodline

Do not include members of the bloodline at family gatherings if they have done something to hurt members of the family

Do not fight at family gatherings. People, who over use alcohol, may lose control during family gatherings.

Food is important during family gatherings

Each person should prepare or purchase something to bring to family gatherings.

Care of Children.

Pay careful attention to the younger members, especially the children in the family.

Never be cruel to children

Never abuse children, it is a curse, and will come back and punish you.

Help children in school

Help children to see and understand the joy of life and living

Teach children about God

Make holidays, birthdays, and religious days special for children.

Religion

There are many paths to faith, and God is the God of all faiths.

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Gossip

Put a guard on your mouth. The mouth is a weapon.

Do not gossip, a dog that brings a bone, will take a bone. If you talk about people in the family, they will talk about you. Take trash outside; do not bring your trash into the family

Help members of the family who are confused to understand the rules.

Responsibility of Male Members

The father, is the God head of the family

               Male members should watch out for the care of women and children in the family.

Male members should join together to help each other, and also to support female members of the family.

Spouses of female members should not be able to abuse female members of the family.

Male members of the family should visit female members of the family at least once a year, and present a supportive presence to the female.

               Male members of the family should make phone calls at least three times a year to determine the health and emotional state of female members.

               Male member should make it clear that females are only on loan to other families. If at anytime the spouse of a female member mistreats the female, she can be returned to the protection of the family.

Husbands do not have rights to abuse female members of the families. If abuse is determined, then a family intervention is held, and the male member doing the abuse, is helped to understand, in clear language, that the male members of the family will stand in the place of the female.

The female does not have the right to the abuse, even if she permits it. The males will stand in her place, all of the males at the same time.

Females sometimes mate and marry individuals who may have behavior adjustment challenges

Female members of the family should try not to be attracted to the “bad boy.”

           Male members should try not to be attracted to “bad girls.”

Present potential mates to the “family”

Family members should ask question on the person’s background. Look for educated people to associate with and mate. Intelligent people have intelligent children. If you do not select someone with a positive background, then use birth protections. Every life you bring into the world will be part of you for life. Careless sex is expensive.

Do not ride the poverty train more than once. Get off as soon as you can, and select a different method of transportation. If you commit a felony, you make your life difficult. There are positions in life you cannot hold with a felony conviction.

You can still make it, but your life will be harder, and you will have to start over in life. Life does not owe you a living. You owe life your best contribution. Do not blame other people for your problems. Life happens, you are still in charge.

The Role of Women

First of all, never get up into a man’s face when you are angry or he is angry. If you are planning to have a conversation with your mate or your husband, do not do the finger waving; hand in the face, back poked out and head-rolling stance taken by some women when talking in a combative way to some other woman.

Loud, offensive in your face talking has been responsible for more women getting punched in the mouth and landing their men in jail, which was not the intent. Usually small women engage in this behavior and usually with a big dog. Most big dogs ignore small high-pitched barking dogs, but occasionally the small dog gets bitten.

If you have to have a heated conversation with your husband, keep your arms by your side and maintain a distance of at least six feet between you and your husband. Swinging arms set off a danger defend from attack response in men. You do not want the brain in the attack mode but rather the listening mode.

You do not have the right to free speech; you have the right to responsible speech. More women with big violent mouths are responsible for sending men to prison than our racist society. Kool it, and remember you get more with honey than vinegar. If you have a vinegar personality work on it, you do not want to be the Greek tragedy root in your family.

The women are the heart and wisdom of the family and have the responsibility of caring for men. Men respond to their mothers and consider them the source of their strength. Males must be mothered; they must at some point in their lives become “momma boys.” Males who do not become “momma boys” can end up in the penal system. It is the role of the women, to keep the males out of the penal system.

Males cannot see danger; they do not like rules or being told what to do. They do not know how to protect themselves from the traps set by society. Males will follow the pack, and fall off a cliff; it is up to the female to let them know about the edge, and the areas of danger.

The new system of slavery is the penal system. The system send out teams of people to capture and bring in new people, and these people are branded for life. The penal system supplies an underground employment, slave labor, human resources population for organized crime, and the various underground activities operated by a powerful control syndicate.

Individuals can be trapped in this system for life, and will also produce children who will be the new members of the system. It is very difficult, almost impossible to get out of the underground system. Women have the role and responsibility of keeping their male children out of the system. She will move to neighborhood where there are no hunting parties. If she does not have a mate to help her, she can place the male in a parochial school, which should provide some protection for males.

If the female provides the love and support the male needs, then he will not leave home and join a group of other males, who will be captured. The female must give up any and all relationship, which discourages the commitment to the male child. Sometimes this may be the father, but often it is another male who sees the male child as a threat, and forces the female to give up the male child to the streets.

The female, after giving birth to a male child, should not enter into any relationship with anyone or anything that prevent them from their prime responsibility, and that is to care for the male until he reaches the age and period of accountability.

This time varies with different individuals, it however, does not happen until the third decade of the males life; this maybe earlier, or it may be later, the responsibility remains the same. Some mothers are lucky if the males enter into relationships with other females who are willing to act as invisible and silent guides for them. These women, usually “momma wives” are able to guide and support these men to reach their highest potentials. All great men in history have “momma wives” or were “momma boys.”

Join the Armed Service

Give at least two years of service to the country. The service builds character.

The service will also help you to get out of poverty

The service will also help you to get away from negative situations and people.

People and relationships are responsible for the choices you make. The choices you make will lead you to poverty or wealth.

There is cause and effect. You are responsible for your own life. People can throw their garbage in your direction, but you do not have to accept it as your own. You can avoid family members with negative social behaviors. Pray for them, and leave them alone.

Do not serve excessive alcohol during family gatherings.

Pay attention to the environment

Pay attention to the people in the environment

Treat people the way you want to be treated

Do not steal

Do not take other people’s property

Do not mate with blood relatives

Do not select relatives for mates

Women are the nearest source to God

Respect women

Take care of wives

Take care of children

Take care of husbands.

Watch girl children around all male relatives

Watch boys around male relatives who are violent or angry

Develop a personal relationship with God

Work Ethics

             America is a society of workers, working gives power over your life. Making your own money regardless how small or large it is the first step in becoming the captain of your own ship. Do not be afraid or too proud to scrub or sweep floors to earn an honest living. Do not be afraid or too proud to work two or three jobs in the process of maintaining your self worth.

If you have to live with a relative temporarily, pay your own way, contribute to the operation of the home in which you live financially and managerially.

Clean up behind yourself, if you only have a corner, make it the cleanest corner in the house. If they refuse to take the money, put the money on the table and help the family member to know this is important to you. Take any honest job offered to you, show up on time and do not drink or remove anything from the job.        

All businesses have systems of observing all employees, and you are who you are when no one is looking. Become the same trust worthy person regardless of who is watching. Give an honest day’s work for an honest days work. Do not permit mid day to catch you in the bed if you are not working. Spend your days either looking for work or working.

A person who is honest and dependable will always find a job. Protect yourself, do not start or take any trouble; earn respect through dependability and honesty. If you have to take a low paying job to make ends meet, it is not the time to demonstrate your intellectual ability. Low paying workers resent any indication of “smartness” or differences.

Make no comments about the job and display an appreciation for the opportunity to work. Do not expect other family members to take care of you, and do not hold grand ideas of working for yourself when you cannot pay your own rent.

If you drink or use drugs it will show on your face and in your personality, any chemical will alter physical appearance and behavior. You will not nice the change in behavior, but an employer and co- workers will. Associate with the best and leave the rest.

Do not rescue people. Poverty is warm, friendly and supportive. The hardest thing you will do is to leave the comfort and support of good warm friends who are going nowhere. Associate with people who are where you want to go. It is better to be a role model than to be the glue that holds a group of troubled people together

 

 

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